11/14/07

Good evening lovelies,

I know what you mean that we block the opportunities from ourselves. Just the other day I was walking my dog around a playground and noticed that there was a leaf stuck to one of the metal benches. I had an urge to decorate the whole bench with leaves in a pattern, work by Andy Goldsworthy flashed in my mind. I saw my self gathering the leave then arranging them in a meditative state on/in the bench. It sounds kinda of dorky, but it was such a strong desire to do it for no other reason than just to feel this and experience it. but of course I made hundreds of excuses not to (it;s too cold, too windy, the dog is too hyper, oh I'll come back). I make excuses a lot and end up missing out on wonderful moments, experiences, opportunities. What blocks me? What blocks you?

One more thought:

Today a whole new world opened up to me. I finally got my powerchair after about a year of waiting. I spend about half the day waiting for it to arrive and the rest of the day driving around Portland in my new chair. I feel transformed, changed. I don't know how to describe it: freedom, pure freedom. I didn't go anywhere new for the most part, but everything looked new and fresh and exciting. Hills and curb cuts looked inviting instead of difficult. Oh and the speed. I can go so much more faster than I have been able to in the last 15 years. I'm all for the slow movement, but it's so nice to have the option to go fast which I didn't have before. It's like you having the option to go fast by running. So much of my fears have diminished just in a few short hours and it's fear that blocks me, that holds me back. Erik and got off the MAX tonight and went into a public courtyard and danced around, spinning and circling, smiling, laughing in the dark and wind. I felt like a little kid all giddy and excited playing with my best friend with my brand new toy.

It's midnight and although I'm still giddy and excited, I should probably go to bed.

Take care of your ankles and dreams.

Goodnight,

~ Y